You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
