Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
porn star boner night. come get it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
