Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
