you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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