I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
the liver wants what the liver wants
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
