i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
