the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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