man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
