she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I want her autograph on my taint
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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