i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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