at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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