why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
