my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
