Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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