burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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