guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
