I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm bleeding and have questions
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
