You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
