sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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