and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
