Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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