omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
