btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
