tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
