Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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