so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
