he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I need moral support for this bender
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
