My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
