Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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