its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
