Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dick very happy bro
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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