Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
