so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
