It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
