I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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