A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
