I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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