The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
