Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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