it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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