Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
