it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
