remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
