distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
