Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
