Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
