dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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