Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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