we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
