he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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