I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
