I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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