I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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