And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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